


I'll Always be There When you Wake

by asymmetricalJester



Series: Bad Dates and Good Advice [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Bucky Barnes, Stalking, Steve is so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 02:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4287444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asymmetricalJester/pseuds/asymmetricalJester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the proverbial shit hits the fan, and Steve and Bucky have to deal with the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Always be There When you Wake

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read Bad Dates and Good Advice and Save Tonight, then this will not make much sense. 
> 
> So first of all I just want to say how FREAKING SORRY I AM FOR TAKING THIS LONG TO POST THIS. 
> 
> I don't have any good excuses. I hit such a terrible block with this fic, I had zero idea how I was going to wrap up the story and make it seem realistic without rushing it all. I really worked myself into a hole by including the stalker as such a heavy theme in the last two. 
> 
> I was going to write a sex scene for this chapter and accidentally wrote Steve as ace. I guess it works, cause depression meds can seriously fuck with your sex drive so Bucky probably wouldn't be too interested anyway. They can just hold hands and watch stupid movies and smooch a lot. 
> 
> I imagine they do eventually have sex, cause the time is right and Steve does enjoy it occasionally even if he's never actively seeking it out. And like, the first time is probably really sweet and there's probably lots of awkwardness and giggling cause they're both HUGE DORKS but it probably wouldn't happen for a long time. Mental health is important friends.
> 
> This is PROBABLY the longest fic I've ever written, and I hate almost all of it. I don't have a beta so if there are any glaring errors PLEASE let me know so I can fix them. Feel free to leave concrit, I'm always open to comments :)
> 
> As for all speculations about the identity of the stalker, I toyed with the idea of several different people, but it just didn't fit in with what I was trying to do with this no matter how hard I tried. So the stalker is nameless, and for that I am sorry. 
> 
> If you want to hit me up on tumblr, my url is caffeine-and-kisses and I'm pretty much always willing to answer asks or attempt to do prompts. 
> 
> Thank you for reading~!

When Steve woke up, it was with a crick in his neck and someone pressed into his back. He was disoriented for a moment, not recognizing the bed he was in or the room, and he froze when he felt the person next to him slip around his waist. There was hot breath on his neck, and something hard pressed against his lower back. 

He turned slightly, body flooding with relief when he saw Bucky’s sleeping face. After a moment he started to remember what had happened, his sleep addled mind slowly processing what was going on. It was the fourth or fifth time that he’d slept over at Buckys, since the night that they fought over his potential stalker, but he’d only ever slept on the couch.

That first night had found them curled around each other, squashed on the cramped couch. The next few times, with one of them sitting up and the other sleeping on their lap. This was the first time Steve had slept in Bucky’s room, and last night had been the first time that he’d actually seen the inside of it. Bucky was protective of his room, and Steve didn’t fault him this. It was his one true safe space, and he was honored to be allowed inside. Bucky trusted Steve enough to let him in, in a way no one else had ever had before.

Everything was innocent, despite his friends insinuations about there being something more going on between them. Steve was very content with just being friends with Bucky, but feeling the other’s man hardness pressed against his lower back made him long for more, if only for a moment. 

He untangled himself, not wanting Bucky to wake up and be embarrassed by his morning wood, and tried to ignore the hotness in his cheeks as he made coffee. He was two cups in when the other man finally joined him, shirtless and beautiful. Steve was grateful that Bucky trusted him enough to be shirtless around him, and it sent a thrill through him to be that trusted by the other man. 

“We still on for today?” Bucky asked suddenly, dragging Steve from his thoughts. 

“Yeah, of course. I have an appointment with Detective Coulson,” Steve said, trying to keep his tone casual. Coulson was a nice man, one of Steve’s many failed dates, sadly, but they had remained friends after it. He got the impression that the man was still interested, but Steve hadn’t felt that way about him. It helped to know him though, even if Bucky liked to tease him about the crush the detective had on him.

Bucky made a noise of acknowledgement, face not taking on it’s normal expression when he was going to tease Steve. In fact, he looked downright serious. “He’s gonna help Steve, I promise,” he said, sitting down next to the blonde and gently rubbing his hand. 

Steve sighed and looked away, frowning a bit. “I know. I just… What if they don’t take this seriously? I know you guys are worried about me but, what if it’s actually not that big of a deal?” he asked, voice taking on an anxious edge. 

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed as he leaned closer to Steve. “Listen, I’ve been around for all of what’s happened. Coulson knows how this is affecting you, about how you don’t like being alone and you don’t like it when I’m alone. You’re so jumpy lately, we all just want this to end so you can relax,” he said, reaching out to gently rub Steve’s shoulder. The blonde sighed and looked away, frowning lightly. 

“I’m just so scared Buck. I don’t want anything bad to happen to anyone and I’m so scared this guy is gonna take things too far. I know who he is, he knows that… I just worry it won’t be enough,” he mumbled. 

“Hey,” Bucky said, slipping his fingers under Steve’s chin and tilting his head up so they could look each other in the eyes. “I’m with ya till the end of the line pal, relax. No one is gonna get hurt, okay? And even if something happened, it wouldn’t be your fault. Never in a million years would it be your fault,” he mumbled, leaving his hand on Steve’s jaw. 

The blonde felt a blush rise up to his cheeks and he had to force himself to look away, ignoring the fluttering of his heart that was not related to his health issues. “Thanks Buck… We should probably go soon though,” he mumbled, trying to shove away the fluttering in his stomach. 

Xx

Steve’s meeting with Detective Coulson went well. They spent the majority of the time discussing the stalker’s habits, what he had been doing to scare Steve. After the phone calls had been blocked, the man had picked a different number and started using that to harass Steve. He had also started getting gifts left on his doorstep, and Bucky had recently woken up to a dead cat with a missing front left leg on his doorstep. There wasn’t a way to actually connect the crime to the man harassing Steve, but it was an obvious threat. 

After giving Coulson all of the things his stalker had left for him, along with the phone numbers he had been using to call him, they wrapped things up so Steve could go and get himself a new phone number. The detective had a feeling the calls would stop if the number was changed and only a select few people knew about it. Steve was a little dismayed, as getting calls was the best way for him to get commissions, but he still had his email that they could contact him at. He just hated the idea that he had to change his life because of this guy. 

It helped though, and soon Steve found himself growing comfortable in his life again. Of course, just when things felt like they might be getting back to normal, everything went wrong. 

The incident occurred at a party. Steve was feeling better than normal, loose from the few drinks he’d had and freer than he’d been in months. Bucky wasn’t there, crowds were still too hard for him, but he was texting Steve the whole time while Sam’s good friend, Riley, was perched on the couch next to Steve.

Riley was ex military, Sam’s wing man. He thought Sam had a crush on the man, but he couldn’t be too sure. Sometimes it was hard to tell with Sam, he liked to put others first. Riley, however, very obviously had a crush on Sam. He was leaning against Steve, in a drunkenly intimate manner, lamenting about how he wanted to be with the VA counselor. 

“He’s a volunteer paramedic Steve! He’s just too perfect, I don’t think I can corrupt that,” the man whined, making Steve laugh. From an outsiders view, it looked like Steve and Riley were getting pretty cozy with each other. 

Riley untangled himself from Steve and planted a kiss on the top of Steve’s head. “Thanks for letting me rant man. I need a smoke. Gotta quit but it’s so much harder to resist when I’m drinking,” he said, making a face. Steve just laughed and shooed him, promising not to tell Sam anything that had been said. 

Steve would remember everything that came next in a blur. One second he was waiting for Riley to come back, the next the room was chaos. Natasha was grabbing him by the arm and pulling him to her car before he could even register that something had happened. 

He caught a glimpse of Sam, the man’s face tear stained and broken. He looked to Nat for answered, but she just shook her head and pulled him along faster. 

She didn’t say a word to him, despite Steve finding his voice and demanding to know what had happened, until they were pulling up to Bucky’s place. She sat in the driver's side for a long moment, completely silent and scaring the hell out of Steve. “Seriously Nat, just tell me what’s wrong!” Steve demanded, chest tightening with panic. He scrambled for his inhaler, taking a few puffs when Natasha started to speak. 

“I saw him there Steve. I was looking for you so we could leave, and then Sam saw Riley get pushed off the roof of the building. I had to get you out of there, and I couldn’t risk you wanting to stay and help, not with that guy still there. I’m sorry if I scared you,” she murmured, biting her lower lip as she watched Steve process the information. 

“Riley… Is he okay? Nat, is he dead because of me? He was sitting with me all night, if that guy saw Riley with me, then this is my fault!” he exclaimed, body filling with dread. He got out of the car, immediately falling to his knees. He couldn’t breathe. At the back of his mind, he knew he had to look for his inhaler, but he couldn’t make his body move. He was frozen with panic. 

It was the feeling of the cold, hard plastic being placed into his mouth that drew him out of his thoughts. He drew in a breath as someone pumped his asthma medication into his airways. “C’mon Stevie, breathe with me,” a familiar, soothing voice rumbled. 

Steve allowed his body to relax, slowly coming back to the present bit by bit. His face flooded with colour when he realize he was pressed against Bucky’s chest, in an attempt to get him to match the other man’s breathing. “B-Buck-” he managed, breaking off with a wheeze. 

“I think he’s with us again Nat,” the brunette murmured, carefully lifting Steve to his feet with the help of Natasha. Steve didn’t protest to being carried up to Bucky’s apartment, barely able to stay on his feet at all. 

He collapsed onto Bucky’s couch, breathing evening out as he stared up at the ceiling. “Jesus Steve,” Bucky whispered, kneeling next to the blonde on his couch. 

“I’m staying here. Clint will be keeping me updated, Riley is in critical and the bastard that pushed him wasn’t found at the scene,” she mumbled, face growing stormy. She sat on the floor next to Bucky while Steve continued to try and stave off another panic attack. 

“‘S my fault,” Steve mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut as the tears slipped down his face. “He was after me. I shouldn’t have gone tonight, I knew that.” He kept his eyes shut as he felt himself be half picked up, and then placed gently on a familiar lap. He turned his head so he could bury his face in Bucky’s thigh. 

Bucky buried his hand in Steve’s hair, looking down at Nat with worry. “Stevie, no. It wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault this guy’s been ruining your life,” he said, voice laced with anger and anguish. Natasha got to her feet, holding up her phone and nodding to the door. 

Bucky nodded once, stroking Steve’s hair. She needed to make some calls, and he had to try and comfort Steve. They were in for a long night. 

Xx

Dawn found Natasha sleeping fitfully on the couch, and Steve and Bucky tangled together in Bucky’s bed. At the back of Steve’s mind, he realized he’d been longing for this kind of closeness for a while, craving it from his best friend. But the situation wasn’t romantic, it was tragic. Their friends had been keeping them updated on Riley’s condition all night, but there was no news on Coulson’s search for the man that pushed him. 

Steve, himself, hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep, too upset over what had happened to his friend, and too consumed with guilt to do more than restlessly doze in Bucky’s one good arm. It was quite in the apartment, Steve could feel Bucky’s even breaths on the back of his neck as the man slept. He hadn’t fared much better than Steve, only falling asleep a half hour before. 

He kept turning the events of the day over in his mind, and let the guilt eat at him until he felt Bucky press his face into his neck. “You think too loudly Steve. It’s not your fault, and I’ll tell you that every day until I die if it’s what you need,” he mumbled, and Steve shivered at the gentle brush of Bucky’s lips against his neck. 

Steve could only wiggle closer, seeking more physical contact and comfort. He knew he wasn’t in a very good state of mind, neither of them were, but he turned to face Bucky anyway. Bucky pressed their foreheads together, brows furrowed in concern. “Have you slept at all?” he asked, voice barely a whisper. Steve only shook his head, meeting Bucky’s eyes. 

There was a quiet moment, and then their lips met in a tentative kiss. It didn’t last long, but Steve felt his body heat up in a blush. “S-Sorry,” he stammered, pulling back. He blushed harder at the near feral look on Bucky’s face as the other man watched his lips. 

“Don’t be,” Bucky mumbled, voice raspy. “I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks,” he mumbled, brows furrowing. 

Steve sat up and let out a shuddering breath. “Buck… This is literally the worst possible time for this,” he said, voice taking on a sad edge. Bucky sat up and touched Steve’s jaw, gently nudging the other’s jaw up so they could look at each other. 

“I know that Steve. I ‘aint gonna make some grand love confession and expect you to jump into bed with me. The world doesn’t work like that, this isn’t some romcom. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, I won’t do it again,” he said softly, searching Steve’s eyes. 

After a beat Steve shook his head and sighed, dislodging his head from Bucky’s fingertips. “Buck, I’ll be honest. I’m not sure how I feel just yet. I know I like you a lot, I just don’t know if it would work. I don’t wanna get into it and ruin our friendship in the process,” Steve said morosely, fingers reaching out to clutch at the blankets.

Bucky could only furrow his brows. “What do you mean, how’d you ruin our friendship? Why are you so sure we wouldn’t last Stevie? Is it… Is it ‘cause of my arm?” he asked, sounding unsure and insecure. Steve’s head shot up, and he quickly moved so he was straddling Bucky’s lap. The brunette blushed and Steve just let out a sigh. 

“Buck, it’s not because of that. You know I don’t care about your arm, and if we were together I wouldn’t care about that. I’m just… I’m fucking terrified I’ll never shake this guy. I’ll have to live every day with him breathing down my neck, and you might get hurt for it. And on top of that, I’m not really fond of sex. You don’t have much to gain from a relationship with me,” Steve rambled, face growing hotter at the end. He’d never admitted that to Bucky before, but it felt good to get it off his chest. He’d been coming to terms with his lack of a sex drive, part of why most of his relationships failed. Coupled with his preference for being alone most of the time, and it was enough to drive almost anyone away. 

Bucky looked at him for a moment before leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. “You’re a damn idiot Rogers. If you think that would scare me off, you’ve got another thing coming. This guy hasn’t scared me away yet, and just cause you don’t wanna have sex doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be with you. My meds tend to fuck with my dick anyway, so it’s not like I’d be getting too frustrated,” he said, arching a brow at Steve. 

Steve cocked his head to the side, studying Bucky for a long while. “I wanna wait, I think. I don’t wanna jump into this while our emotions are high, and we’re both scared cause Riley is hurt. Are you okay with that?” he asked, reaching out to gently stroke Bucky’s cheek. 

The brunette sighed softly and nodded, smiling wistfully. “Doll, I’d wait for you till the end of time. You’re it for me,” Bucky said quietly, looking away from Steve’s intense gaze. They were as close as could be, but Bucky rarely showed that level of vulnerability. Steve’s expression softened and he leaned forward to rest his face against Bucky’s chest. 

“Thank you Bucky. That’s all I can ask of you.”

A sharp knock at the door ripped them both from their bubble, and they untangled quickly before Natasha came striding into the room. “Alright lovebirds, I have news,” she remarked, hands on her hips. Steve went bright red, and Bucky shot her a withering look. 

“What did you hear?” he asked, getting out of bed and rummaging through one of his drawers for a shirt. 

Natasha sighed and folded her arms over her chest. “The fall paralyzed Riley from the waist down. He’s never going to walk again,” she said, voice wavering slightly with anger. Steve paled and he opened his mouth to speak, flinching when Natasha shot him a dirty look.

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this Rogers. The only god damn upside to this disaster is that Coulson caught him sometime this morning. Apparently he was hanging out at your apartment, waiting for you to come home. They have enough to lock him up for a very long time though, from attempted murder to violating a restraining order. Congratulations Steve, you’re a free man,” she said, shooting him a tired smirk. 

Steve sat on the bed, looking shocked. It was too good to be true, too easy. He was really in jail? Steve was finally free of him?

He didn’t realize he was crying until both Natasha and Bucky were holding him, one giant pile of grief and relief. 

Xx

It was months before Riley was allowed to go home. Steve had lost count of the times that he had sat up with Sam, listening to him rant and rave and sob over what had happened, over how he should have been able to stop it. 

“It’s like I was up there just to watch,” he said one night, miserable and angry at the injustice of it all. Steve couldn’t help but nod sympathetically, unable to stop thinking about the nightmares he’d been having as of late.

They plagued his sleep every night, and yet he refused to talk about them. He kept up a brave front, refusing to take even an ounce of sympathy from anyone for what he had gone through. He could still walk, and Riley couldn’t. His brain was kind enough to remind him of that every night. 

Steve had mostly given up. He knew his friends could tell, but he refused to talk about it, refused to make anything about himself. Bucky tried countless times to get him to open up and talk about what was going on, and only got silence for his trouble.

Logically, Steve knew he was pushing everyone away. He knew he was making how he was feeling even worse, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. 

Things changed the day Riley went home. They were throwing a party, a way to comfort Riley and help him adjust to his home. A way to celebrate the fact that he was actually alive, that everything was finally over and they could all move on. Steve didn’t show up, he didn’t even bother to get out of bed.

He knew he was being selfish, ignoring his friends and wallowing in his own self pity, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t want to move from his bed, he thought his friends deserved so much better than what they had been given. After all, it was Steve’s fault for not getting the restraining order sooner, for exposing all of his friends to that dangerous man when he went to that party. The time for the party came and passed, and Steve didn’t move from his bed.

He was doing them a favour, really. If he didn’t go, then there was no risk of causing someone to get hurt again. Sure his stalker had been arrested, but how long would that last? And then it would start all over again. 

At first, he was so zoned out that he didn’t even hear the knocking at his door. Eventually he did hear it, as he became more frantic. He just rolled over and went back to sleep, hoping that whoever it was would go away and leave him alone. 

Honestly, he shouldn’t have been surprised when he woke up to Natasha standing over him after dumping a glass of cold water over his head. A rude awakening sure, but he probably deserved it. “Steven Grant Rogers, if you don’t get out of bed this instant I will kick your ass,” she said, voice stern but not harsh. It was far more concerned than Steve thought he deserved. 

He slowly got out of bed, freezing when he saw Bucky standing near the door. The man looked like a mess, dark circles and messy hair matching his disheveled and unwashed looking clothing. “Stevie,” Bucky mumbled, saying his name like a prayer. Nat only sighed, turning towards the brunette. 

“I’ll be back in an hour to drag the both of you to Riley’s party. Make sure you’re presentable,” she said, walking out to give them some space. 

Bucky carefully approached Steve, like someone trying to touch a wild animal. He looked more afraid than Steve had ever seen him. “Hey doll. Don’t mind Natasha, I’ve been kinda driving her up a wall lately. She won’t admit it, but you’re scaring her half to death Stevie. We almost lost Riley, can’t go and lose you now can we?” he asked quietly, sitting on the bed next to Steve. 

The blonde let out a long sigh and looked up at the ceiling. “Riley wouldn’t be hurt if it wasn’t for me Buck, you guys shouldn’t want me around,” he mumbled, choking back a sob when Bucky slipped his arm around Steve’s waist.

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Sam always says I’m not allowed to sit around and wallow in my own self pity, well neither are you. Now come on, she really will drag us out of here kicking and screaming if we’re not ready to go,” he said, gently herding Steve to the shower. 

He started the water while Steve stood there, watching him with furrowed brows. “Why are you still bothering with me Buck? I’ve been ignoring everyone for weeks now, you deserve better than that. Why do you care?” he questioned, genuinely confused. Bucky deserved someone that could help him get better, not someone more fucked up than he had any right to be. 

Bucky turned to Steve and cupped his face, pressing their foreheads together. “You don’t have to do this alone Stevie. I told ya, I’m with you till the end of the line. You’re it for me, that hasn’t changed cause you’re a little fucked up. I’m a lot fucked up, and you never gave up on me. I know it’s rough right now, but it’ll get better. You showed me that, and now I want to try and return the favour if you’ll let me,” he said quietly, stroking Steve’s cheek. 

Steve stared up at him, face quickly crumpling as he burst into sobs. Bucky just held him through it, and when he was done crying they got into the shower together. There was nothing sexual about it, just them clinging desperately to one another, as if letting go meant breaking to pieces. 

Even after the water had run cold and Natasha had come to collect them, they still held onto each other. Steve was afraid of what was to come, he was afraid of facing his friends and getting help for his problems, but something about the way Bucky held his hand told him it would all be okay. It kept him grounded, helped him see reason as his friends yelled at him and then broke down with him.

It wasn’t even close to being over, but it was another chapter of his life. If he had Bucky to hold onto, it didn’t seem so scary.


End file.
